«Depression is melancholy devoid of its charm»
Susan Sontag
This is not the first time I have written about this topic or used this quote. It never hurts to talk about something that shook us and still prevails.
I do not intend, with this chronicle, to explore personal dramas, but I do not neglect the possibility of them connecting with the reality of those who read it. Our personal history is always a mirror, as Annie Erneaux says. Words, when considered, have the power to transform the particular into the universal, to resonate beyond what is intimate. And, in certain magical moments, contribute positively to change in the Other.
January is White month, the month when depression is a topic of conversation. A reality that should be addressed more, without blemish, without pointing the finger at those who wake up cloudy and the bed sticks to their body.
I look inside and realize that depression arose, in my case, for several reasons: setbacks in life, disappointments, fears, anxieties, internal conflicts, tiredness of sameness, failed expectations, a pinch of this, a little of that, a mix of everything , also adding the wonderful and unexpected brain chemistry (explore the pages of «Incognito: How the unconscious controls our lives», by David Eagleman, to better understand the relationship between external circumstances and the functioning of our fabulous brain).
It's not easy to ask for help. It is not easy to understand that medicines are the alternative. I fought a lot against this path, because I thought it was dangerous. I was afraid of not being me anymore, gaining weight, becoming deformed, turning into a zombie version.
Recently, I read an article in which someone said that they had managed to stop taking medication (in this case, anxiolytics). “He took care of himself and managed to stop taking medication”, was the slogan, almost like a slogan. This misinformation keeps many people away from what could be their salvation. It is important to differentiate between anxiolytics and antidepressants, to contextualize. Practicing physical exercise, opting for a regulated diet, and getting enough sleep must be part of the menu of human existence that we want to take care of, not a prescription in case of need. Ostracizing psychotropic drugs further contributes to increasing the stigma of those who need them so much.
The depression and anxiety states that made my daily life difficult are part of the past. Antidepressants continue. Starting treatment was not a simple process. I don’t agree with toxic positivity, “everything will be fine”: before it got better, the state of anxiety got worse. There were weeks when I needed to hold on tight to the ropes.
But when the medication started to work, I experienced a stability like I had never felt before, an internal slowdown, an ability to discern the essential from the banal, which still remains today. There are days when the sun wakes up between the clouds, but I know it is there. Melancholy is part of existence. Let's not forget that.
How would I be if I hadn't found the courage to ask for help, to start psychopharmacological therapy? I don't know if I would remain clinging to life. Maybe it wouldn't be news, but there would be people who felt my absence.
As José Carlos Barros says, in his «The Invisible People»: «It is always alone that we confront our own destiny and its thick skein. It is always alone that we walk in the middle of the crowd.” But when we have the help we need, being alone can be a choice. Solitude is not loneliness, melancholy is not depression, but suicide is death.
Support and Suicide Prevention Lines in Portugal
SOS Friendly Voice Lisbon
From 15:30 pm to 00:30 am 213 544 545 — 912 802 669 — 963 524 660
Inatel Friendly Conversation
From 15pm to 22pm 808 237 327 210 027 159
Friendly Voices of Hope from Portugal Voades-Portugal
From 16pm to 22pm 222 030 707
Porto Friendship Telephone
From 16pm to 23pm 228 323 535
Porto Support Voice
From 21pm to 24pm 225 506 070
SOS Student Emotional support line and suicide prevention
Every day from 20pm to 1am (except school holidays) 915246060 (Yorn) — 969554545 (Moche) — 239484020 (Landline)
All of these lines have double anonymity — guaranteed to both the caller and the person answering. For referral, the SNS24 line (808 24 24 24) is handled by health professionals.
Author: Analita Alves dos Santos is an author and literary mentor
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