I was very young and I was already a victim of bullying (the use of physical force, threat or coercion to abuse, intimidate or aggressively dominate other people on a frequent and habitual basis) and body shaming (an expression that, translated into Portuguese, could be defined as “shame of our body”, but which consists in criticizing people's physical defects, with comments that can hurt those who receive them).
I was born a plump and ruddy baby and grew like this: big, fat and red (a condition that, by the way, results from a skin disorder, called rosacea and which is not very pleasant to have, as, in addition to skin pigmentation, it brings other complications, which now is not worth advancing).
This combination of factors led me to be "nicknamed" early on with the most diverse expressions: "cheeks", "fat", "glasses box", "tomato", "red", among others less aggressive and even funny , but rarely in my childhood, adolescence and youth was I known and called by my name. Until I was 16 years old, only my family called me Miguel. I confess that sometimes it even sounded strange to me.
The fact that I have more aptitude for intellectuality than for physical strength also meant that I was treated to gestures of physical violence by some people, especially colleagues, some of whom end up, even today, being my friends. .
This aspect persists to haunt me: every now and then, someone remembers that a photo of a big, fat, red guy, drinking beer on the beach, can be me and enjoys practicing what is called cyberbullying (corresponds to the practices of moral aggression organized by groups, against a specific person, and fed via the internet). And, of course, as I am now an adult, the redness of my rosacea can only be confused with excessive alcohol consumption.
I know that this type of situation did not just happen to me and that there are, unfortunately, those who have suffered and still suffer much more from this type of personal attack.
I went beyond all of this and, as I said, I ended up becoming friends with some of those who used violence against me. Even because, instead of what you might think, I was putting myself in their shoes, trying to understand the processes they were going through, which strengthened me and gave me a much better understanding of how they are and what they feel.
I've found, over time, that a lot of this kind of attitude from others makes us stronger and harder for life. I've seen that those attacking us would like to be like us and exert power and strength over the only aspect in which they generally have more capabilities: be it overlapping physical strength with intellectual capacity; be it supporting itself in authoritarianism in relation to the argumentative power; whether trying to suppress the low level of emotional intelligence and relationship capacity, in the face of social competence and creating empathy with and with the other.
All this is present in those who are subject to any kind of bullying and, vice versa, in the bully
When someone thinks he is superior to another just because he has a black skin, is part of a nomadic group (like the gypsies), or comes from an eastern European country, it is because he is very incapable and inferior and has nothing else to do. value it other than the skin color, the place where you were born, or the family you came from. And that is very little. And it is still a way of bullying.
And, sadly, the opposite also happens, that is, there are no better or worse civilizations, more advanced or less. Each one is as he is and thus must be respected. However, when you legitimately want autonomy and independence, then you can't come and ask for help whenever you can't guide your own life. The Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32), when he returned, did not return to ask for more money from his father, but to accept to live with and like his father.
Social peace is needed and social peace encompasses all these aspects. We Christians have a fundamental role to play in making this happen in our societies, and for that we have to help distinguish healthy play from real aggression. We cannot put everything on the same level.
And we must also help to realize that, despite the many social problems that some ethnic and racial groups have, they are not responsible for the downfall of BES or for the Operation Marquis, as a well-known Portuguese humorist puts it. And they are certainly not responsible for all the ills in the world.
At this time of year, I would like to recall that the first to whom God manifested himself were, according to Christian tradition, representatives of Asia, Africa and Eastern Europe – the famous Magi – regions from which precisely those we look to today come from. side.
And that the others were humble shepherds, fat and thin, with fatter and redder faces or less. And that God did not exclude them from that moment that is, whether you like it or not, decisive for the History of Humanity.
Let's not be the ones to exclude. But let's treat everyone as people, just people. Bad people, if they have bad behavior for which they should be condemned, or good people, because they have good behavior and should live and be part of society, with normality and respect.
Author Father Miguel Neto is director of the Information and Pastoral Ministry of Tourism of the Diocese of Algarve, as well as parish priest of Tavira
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