"Being with precept"

Equality is not the opposite of affability and civility and these, in turn, are not signs of servility or, on the contrary, of superiority

He immediately opened the door for me, with great delicacy, so that I could go through first. He was around 80 years old and, from the first moment we met, this gentleman, with a very high academic background and an expert in Philology (for those who don't know the term, in languages, languages) only made gestures of courtesy and delicacy.

At a certain moment, walking on my left side, he said to me: “We always treat a lady with the greatest respect and give her what we have best, if only the best side to walk on, to sit on”. It enchanted me.

Today it is common to hear that these gestures are out of fashion and that they are useless, especially in a society where gender equality and respect for women are desired; that they would be gestures of abasement, so to speak; gestures that would diminish her, for treating her as a being who needs special protection, different care from men.

What if we thought the other way around? Are they not acts that reveal a deep affection, a huge respect for someone who sees himself as a special being?

I think about my life and what I have done in relation to those I love the most: my grandparents, whom I respected for their wisdom, age, and love they always gave me. It wouldn't have occurred to me to shout at them, even if I called them for you and the best place at the table was theirs, for all that I felt in their presence.

I think about my parents and how I worry when I get in the car, guaranteeing them the most comfortable place and one that will give them more security when going out. Parents do not do the same for their children, making sure they stay well, in the best place and so that they know they are, learning behaviors and rules that assure them that they will be respected people (being well at the table, speaking correctly, dressing appropriately in each situation, respect the oldest, the youngest, etc.)?…

It's all old-fashioned, from the perspective of some, I'm sure. I don't see it that way.

These are the basic rules that we all understand and accept that allow us to be better with others. There are others that are more complex, but based on these premises, the rules of the protocol.

These, then, are even despised by many. They believe they are revealing signs of retrograde conservatism, social inequalities or separation of strata, as in a taxonomy truly close to the definition of the orders of living beings.

But that is not the object or mission of the protocol. It's precisely the opposite: it's defining that everyone has the respect they deserve and that this translates into gestures and attitudes.

These critics end up not knowing how to react to certain events, giving an image of themselves incompatible, so often, with what they want in their hearts, and, in certain circumstances, incompatible with the dignity of the functions they perform and of the institutions they represent.

Delicacy and courtesy are undervalued and, however, it only reveals care for something or someone we like or respect. An ancestral wisdom is devalued, which assured us that there was harmony in our meetings, so that they can take place in a memorable and full of humanity.

And we are not talking about social and economic status, academic degree or professional function. We are talking about what is most basic: good education.

My wise grandfather Manuel was seen by everyone as a “gentleman”. Having grown up in a dysfunctional family, being able to attend school only until the 4th grade, working hard since adolescence, he received from his mother Margarida and absorbed from everyone he met throughout his life a phenomenal knowledge of being, which allowed him to talk to any academic. , eat at the table with any head of state, treat equally each employee or each person who needed their help. He was, as they say in his homeland of Minho, “a gentleman”!

And you know, I'm not ashamed of it, on the contrary! Just as I don't feel offended by the delicate gestures of an octogenarian man, who had so much to teach the younger generations!

Equality is not the opposite of affability and civility and these, in turn, are not signs of servility or, on the contrary, of superiority. They are, only, the character traits and the signature of who, as my mother's little student, Nuno, used to say, knows how to “be with little precept”!

 

Author: Sandra Côrtes Moreira has a degree in Social Communication from the FCSH of the Universidade Nova de Lisboa, a Master's in Educational Communication from the Faculties of Arts and Human and Social Sciences of the Un. from Lisbon and Algarve and Master in La Educación en la Sociedad Multicultural by the Universidad de Huelva. She is a doctoral candidate in Educomunicación y Alfabetización Mediática at the Universidad de Huelva.
Superior Language and Communication Technician at the Municipality of Faro, is also Advisor to the Information Office of the Diocese of Algarve, member of the Pastoral do Turismo and ONPT team.

 

 



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